you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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