she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
