Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
