forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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