I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize