Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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