I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
