id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
