Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
