She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
