I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
