Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
