I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
