swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
