i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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