xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
