shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize