dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
