So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My vagina is officially offended.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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