4 words: hood of his car
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
