Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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