Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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