Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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