She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He? As in you personified your dick?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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