i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
