At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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