i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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