I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The Olympian is in my bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
