My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
