I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
