Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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