I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
