Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
