he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize