Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
