Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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