i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize