Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
