question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
