I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
