I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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