I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
