just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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