It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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