after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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