white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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