If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
