those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
