he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Girls should come with a carfax report
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
