I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bring me that man meat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
