they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize