I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
