Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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