come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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