Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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