i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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