I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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