The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
