How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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