i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
