just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
