My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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