apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
