I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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