Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
