I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
