Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
