She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
