I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
