Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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