I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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