Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
