When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize